I grew up believing that the only kind of love worth chasing and having was romantic love and the validation and affection from men. Disney films from my generation sure made me feel that way, especially as a millennial who watched them all. I could recite the words to Sleeping Beauty to the letter. It didn’t help that everything else on TV, and even to an extent, the adults around me, doubled down on that idea. The world made it seem like love was exclusive and rare.
“Not like the other girls” was something I aspired to be, thinking that standing out among my female peers would give me a better chance at that coveted romance. My twenties were always about trying to be seen and loved, mostly by the wrong people, an attempt at recreating love stories that were melodramatic and actually toxic. That’s how it is, isn’t it, being a woman living in a society pandering to men?
You really can’t blame me, though. This movie is a work of art.
But in moments of growth and contraction, the times I felt broken, the best love stories, and the most healing relationships I’ve had were the ones where I was helped and loved unconditionally by women. It was always the women who saw what I was capable of—it was the women who gave me my flowers. It was among women that I grew and discovered my values.
I’m in my thirties now. Single, yes, but content and happy to admit that I’m just like all the girls: multifaceted, capable of so much love and so much rage. Like all the other girls, I’m emotional, soft, and strong at the same time.
The Kind of Love Stories We Need
Could it be that the love stories we need are of women’s friendships with other women? It’s not lost on me that we bond intensely. It’s in our nature to be protective of each other. Women gossip and keep each other’s secrets because that’s how we’ve survived the patriarchy for centuries. Women’s friendships are complex and nuanced; the connections we build are safe havens, built on trust and vulnerability.
Gossip by John Waterhouse, 1885
To prove a point, I asked a few girlfriends—my friends at Girlhauz, an all-girl DJ collective in the city consisting of five lesbian women, namely Steph, Karla, Sam, Juella, and Don; and Ching, a digital creator and a part of Cebu Creators Circle—to share their very own love stories.
Steph: My partner, Juella, and I first met Sam through filmmaking in 2018. We kept bumping into each other at events, and I managed to force her to hang out with me enough times that we got super close, so… now here we are! Then, just last year, I got introduced to Karla and Don, two of the loveliest people ever. I immediately knew they were a vibe, and we all ended up bonding over our love for music, creating, and community. From there, we birthed Girllhauz. We’ve held a few events now that we’ve been really happy with. The fact that we all put so much love, thought, and energy into creating these intimate spaces just really makes me appreciate how easy it is to “follow your dreams” when you’re with such passionate and supportive people. Also damn, gay people really can do everything.
The girls of Girlhauz in one of their events
Karla: I was raised in a pretty conservative household, and being a bit of an introvert/homebody—I never thought I’d end up going to clubs. We’re all still getting to know each other, but I’d say we’ve hit a “the one” type of milestone after that first event. Like, ok wow, we just created a space where we felt safe and free enough to explore our creativity AND enjoyed each other’s company throughout the entire process. I learned that I actually enjoy socializing, haha, and that’s primarily because of Girllhauz. From thinking “The world works a certain way” to believing “I’m capable of trying new things and putting myself out there.”
Don: As a woman in her 30s who works from home, I have experienced extreme isolation and loneliness. The kind of growth I wanted for myself was fulfilling but lonely. When we created Girllhauz, I thought I might need boundaries so the members won’t think they HAVE to be friends with me just because we’re in a DJ group. But the girls were so kind to me and always invited me out to events and to hang out even when I turned them down so many times. I made a choice to accept the friendship they offered to me in my 30s. I think that’s awesome!!! Hold awn, I’m in tears :’—)
Ching and her ride-or-die friends
Ching: During a chaotic time a few years back, a close girlfriend of mine would regularly check in on me. When you’re at your lowest, you need people who talk you through the pain, not those who wait for it to pass. She really went through the thick of it with me, and that’s when I realized a friendship truly is “the one” when there is respect, trust, and kindness. This certain type of female friendship has become the standard-bearer for every other relationship in my life, whether it’s professional, romantic, or even familial. If my girls can treat me with this much respect and love, why would I allow anyone else to treat me any less?
Why Are Women’s Friendships Our Love Stories?
Ching and the women of Girlhauz say the same thing. Female friendships thrive and, in turn, are our love stories because of everything we all share: histories, experiences, emotional depth, our capacity to truly see and hear others, and our power to relate. Our friendships and the bond we make, the struggles and the joys we go through, birth more love and more connection. Women’s friendships are the truest testament to love being abundant and universal.
I’m not saying there’s no space for a nice romantic story or a lasting hetero friendship, but the depth and complexity of platonic love among women hit different. It’s full, it’s substantial, and it’s nourishing.
