For decades, women have been navigating a cultural paradox. They entered the workforce but were still expected to run the household. They broke barriers yet frequently had to prove themselves. And, over time, many internalized an unspoken pressure to excel in multiple roles at once.
I’ve felt it myself. And I suspect you have too.
Cheryl L. Woods-Giscombé’s research refers to this as the Superwoman Schema, a worldview in which women feel pressured to continuously display their strength and capability. It developed partly in response to historical inequality and discrimination, in which women were frequently required to work harder and demonstrate great resilience in order to be taken more seriously in society.
It’s as if the moment you become a mother, you’re expected to do everything. To be fully present for your child. To breastfeed. To keep the house spotless. To bake cookies from scratch. To build a career and contribute equally to the household. To be sociable, to stay fit, and take care of yourself. Everything is taken care of. All at the same time.
It’s possible. But it’s exhausting.
I know because I am her. And I know so many women who are trying to be her too. Not just mothers, because the pressure didn’t begin with motherhood. It’s rooted in broader expectations placed on women, to succeed professionally while still carrying the emotional and social responsibilities traditionally assigned to them.
And it’s not just about doing it all.
It’s about being it all.
Women are expected to be kind, but not weak. Assertive, but not intimidating. Ambitious, but still agreeable. Outspoken, but never abrasive.
Push too far in either direction and it becomes a problem. The expectations aren’t just numerous, they’re contradictory.
And even when we recognize them, we still carry many of these expectations with us. Maybe that’s why there’s even an Instagram account dedicated to women carrying all kinds of things in their hands.
In my circle of college friends, we used to talk about doing it all. Back then, we believed that if we ever became mothers, we would still be career women too. That was the plan.
But years later, life unfolded differently. I’m the only one who is married and has a child. One friend has decided she doesn’t want children at all, while the others are still figuring things out. And strangely, there’s no pressure anymore. We’re simply supportive of each other’s choices. I think about that a lot now, especially when I look at the women around me who are a few years further down the road.
In my circle of mom friends, many of whom are older than I am, I’ve noticed something interesting. These are women who once tried to do it all: build careers, raise families, keep everything running. And now, many of them have quietly stepped back from that expectation.
One friend who’s just a little older than me recently talked about wanting to work again. But almost instinctively, the rest of us found ourselves discouraging her. Not in a negative way, but gently reminding her that being a mother is already a full load. That work should only come if it feels good for her, not because she feels she has to prove something.
The conversations are changing. Woods-Giscombé might say that’s the schema loosening its grip. That after years of performing strength, some women are finally giving themselves permission to put it down.
I’m not sure if it’s age, experience, or simply perspective. Maybe women need to try doing it all first before they realize it might not be worth it. Or maybe we’re just starting to question whether the expectation was ever ours to carry in the first place.
