It’s Thursday night and I’m working late to meet a tight deadline. A colleague asked me to do her a favor and help her finish another task.
I want to be assertive, but I also don’t want to be rude. My eyes start to hurt from looking at my computer all day. Eventually, I snap out of the trance.
“So, is that a yes?”
No, I’m sorry but I just have so much on my plate now.
I tune in to how tired I am and force myself to say the word. Instead, what blurted out of my mouth was, “Yes, that’s totally fine!”
Growing up, I learned that if you want to be thought of as a nice person, you say “yes” as much as possible. I realized—the hard way—that even the nicest people should have their limits.
In a world where yes is the default, it is so easy to be pulled into doing too many requests and get busy with everything other than our priorities, mainly because we want to be liked. As social creatures, we want to be part of the herd and be able to preserve our relationships.
But what happens when we become too available, too stretched, and eventually burned out? Should we sabotage our self-care just because we don’t want to be seen as difficult people?
Don’t say yes if you really want to say NO.
When I entered the workforce, I saw how being a ‘team player’ is a required strength to succeed in my career. That would sometimes mean working incredibly long (sometimes, unrewarding) hours and constantly putting your hand up to support your co-workers. I like helping others but whenever I wanted to say no, I was always fraught with guilt. So, saying yes became a habit.
Except—and I knew this was coming—I was overwhelmed and I had to abandon the things I cared about because of everything else that was eating away my time and energy.
There has to be a better alternative.
Just say NO.
It’s a small word that we should all learn to master. It’s often difficult to say, but it’s the perfect antidote to burnout and regret. If your heart isn’t in it, say no to the opportunity, no matter how exciting it seems. If you’re too exhausted to contribute as much as you’d like, chuck it all and don’t look back.
2020 felt like a marathon. Fast forward to a year later and we’re still running it. If we want to sustain our energy over the long-term, we need to give ourselves permission to pause—to reflect on what really matters.
How can we appreciate anything fully when we’re overwhelmed with too much?
If we could assess our priorities and focus on what we want to do, we’re likely to do things better. Tasks would be less tedious. We would be fully present in each moment. We get to enjoy what we choose to do, making those choices matter more.
Do yourself a favor and learn to say no without feeling bad about it. Love yourself enough to set boundaries.