Being single is crazy.
Being single on Valentine’s Day is crazier.
What confuses me the most, however, is how I’ve managed to be single on every single Valentine’s Day in my life for 22 years—and counting… or (hopefully) not!
Like, how crazy is that?
They say if being single were a profession, I would be the CEO of Singleness.
I don’t expect any medals, but I’ve honed the art of being single—I’ve been doing it since birth! But this story starts with prom night.
Junior-Senior Prom 2017 with my best friend, Billy
Valentine’s Day in high school? Hated it. Just another event offering students a pretext to gift teachers and crushes alike. If you ask me, prom is a social construct demanding conformity. Writing Valentine’s Day letters for everyone, even the less-liked classmates, was school-mandated (believe it or not).
Writing those letters for my friends was challenging enough. What did they mean I had to write Valentine’s Day letters for everyone? And by everyone, I mean including the kids who made my high school life hell.
With no crushes in sight for little old me, I saw my friends enjoying their teenage love affairs without me. With the idea of having to conform to societal pressure (literally just writing “hvd” on my school enemies’ cards really), the Kyrra teenage romance villain origin story was written.
Naturally, being the angsty teen, I spoke of Valentine’s Day with distaste. I never understood the commotion my classmates caused around it, why seeing their crushes on Valentine’s Day was such a big deal.
Turns out, I was just aromantic all along.
Growing up aromantic, albeit unknowingly, I felt alienated by the idea of having crushes and making a big deal about spending Valentine’s Day romantically. I was a complete stranger to it all.
Perhaps I never genuinely encountered any of those typical teenage romances (what with me being busy engaging in parkour and breakdancing in all of eighth grade). Alternatively, it could be that I hadn’t realized my queerness at that time.
It’s also quite possible that my “embodying masculinity” unnerved little boys’ egos, giving them the impression that I might beat them to a pulp or something. (Wild! Because I am literally a softie.)
Maybe subconsciously I never tried to understand any of it for fear that I might be teased, because everyone’s little lesbian intern, Kyrra Dominique Kho (“I’m Bi, Actually” – Nick Nelson, For the entirety of Heartstopper Season 2), seemed to be on her way to finally becoming a girl.
And I hated that. Because I am just a girl who happens to be interested in the same things most guys are interested in (also just happens to include an interest in girls). One might argue that it could be just my tomboyish nature, but you get the point.
Not gonna lie, I loved being a girl—I do still! I was just a tad bit different and they couldn’t handle that; even the adults couldn’t comprehend how different I was.
I could list all the ifs and maybes, but looking back, I wish I had allowed myself to experience teenage romance more than teenage angst, as the things you never try tend to become regrets as you grow older. The what-ifs linger, stirring thoughts of who I might have been.
But what’s not for you, is simply not for you.
Because of this, I’ve always felt indifferent towards Valentine’s Day. I never thought of it as anything special, or maybe because I always thought that celebrating Valentine’s meant spending it with a partner—a special someone. And, unfortunately, I never had that.
So, how does one truly enjoy Valentine’s Day as a single person? How do you remove all the expectations of spending Valentine’s Day with a special someone? How do you stop yearning to celebrate the perfect Valentine’s Day?
The truth is, I don’t know. I am also still figuring out the answers to all these questions.
But just because you’re alone on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it. From what I’ve experienced, my solo celebrations have taught me much about myself, helping me discard expectations and appreciate the day as my own special occasion. It’s surprising how much comfort it gives you to truly enjoy things. Finding joy in your solitude.
Self-love doesn’t mean closing your doors to others. It’s just that you can enjoy love in different ways. After all, love comes in many forms. So if “the one” hasn’t found you yet, you can embark on a journey of self-discovery and learn how to find yourself until love finds you.
This Valentine’s season, I decided to take myself out on a grand date… with myself, of course.
I recently went on an out-of-town trip alone, watched a concert alone, enjoyed amazing food alone, met up with friends, and met new people! The moment I started slowing my life down for myself, I began to appreciate the little things and the people around me more.
Exploring a new city alone gave me the chance to open up to new people and listen to their stories about life and love. I was able to bond with amazing people that I would’ve never met if I hadn’t learned how to finally love myself properly.
I attended a concert by a band from Baguio City called ‘Cup of Joe’. The concert experience was amazing, and what made it even more special for me was seeing all kinds of couples having the time of their lives as the band played their favorite songs and spread love in the air.
If this were the angsty teen Kyrra, I would’ve grimaced at the sight of the lovey-dovey couples in front of me. However, experiencing life has made me somewhat appreciative of seeing love differently.
It may be nice to experience that kind of love firsthand, but it is also quite pleasant to observe people falling head over heels from the sidelines. This experience, once dreaded by my younger self, now offered a fresh perspective on love.
One lesson from this Self-lentine’s season is that love cannot be chased. It just naturally happens—it will hit you like a truck coming your way, ready to isekai you to another world. And if it doesn’t happen when you want it to, the world will steer your wheel to paths full of stories you’ll only hear when you slow the chase down. Trust!
Set a pace and enjoy the gust of wind blowing towards you as you walk through different paths of stories. You will realize that there are so many roads diverging to different paths along the way. You may choose one road to follow, but as a video game completionist who aims to always hit 100% exploration, I suggest exploring all the roads and seeing what you can learn from each walk. Slowing down to enjoy the pace of loving will teach you that there are many ways to love and experience love. You’ll start to see the little things around you, waiting to show you love you’ve never seen before.
This Valentine’s season isn’t romantic for me at all. I also don’t want to explicitly classify it as the self-love Valentine’s kind. Instead, it was a journey of falling in love with life’s narratives and the people I met along the way. Moving beyond a narrow view of love, I learned to appreciate its diverse forms.
This love season is full of firsts. I learned how to feel a bit more, tried getting into the dating game (tbh, I’m not that great at it), and explored what my little fickle heart can do. Most importantly, it was a lesson in softening my heart for myself and for the things around me.
It’s hard to love the things around you if you don’t know how to love yourself, and it’s hard to love yourself if you can’t be real with yourself.
Constellations don’t form overnight.
Stars connect, but sometimes, they need to wait for the right moment to align and form a constellation. In a vast sky full of stars, constellations have designated stars to form them, but constellations are also ever-changing—our love may change too.
Love is a constellation, and the stars in the sky represent all the kinds of love we’ll encounter in our lifetime. Some constellations are linear, others chaotic, but each constellation is its own. Our love stories are distinctly our own.
So, if your constellation hasn’t been formed yet, the stars will eventually align for you. And if your constellation feels incomplete, perhaps it’s merely an asterism within a constellation that has yet to form fully.
The point is, you don’t need to follow what everyone else does for Valentine’s. There’s a plethora of things to love and ways to celebrate love. Whether you are taken or single, you can always enjoy Valentine’s Day however you want.
It’s the season of love, after all.
Photo courtesy Kyrra Kho
