Living

A Mother’s Life Lessons to Her Daughters

I had just skimmed through my blog and realized I haven’t really published anything deeply personal other than a parenting related piece I did a few years back. Given my propensity to overshare, this didn’t come as a surprise to me, as I had always avoided topics that would render me vulnerable to judgment and criticism. For years, I stuck to my niche, and that somehow worked like a dream for me. Sticking to fashion was not only safe, it was comfortable too—too comfortable, to a point where it was already restricting and one-dimensional. I did find my niche but I was stuck there, so sometime in 2019, when stepping out of my comfort zone felt like a herculean task, I stopped writing, and blogging altogether.

Fast forward to today, and to quote Iain Thomas, “when everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I’ve ever been,” I am ready to share a piece that is more me than it is of my niche: a comeback post of five life lessons I’ve learned over the years that I hope to pass onto my daughters when they’re a little older. May they find these valuable just as I deem them to be.

Be Your Own Person

At a time when outside influences abound and life gets pretty overwhelming, reaching out to family and friends will always prove useful. But know that when you rely too much on others, or when you think too much of what others might say about the choices you make, you will lose your own sense of purpose. Always find that little voice within you. True happiness can only be found when you stop conforming to social pressures and start living life on your own terms. As the famous Nelson Mandela quote goes: “There is no passion to be found playing small—in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

Cultivate a Positive Mindset

It’s so easy to get disillusioned when things don’t go our way and no amount of peer pep talk can get you out of the rut if you yourself don’t have a positive outlook in the first place. Rid yourself of negative thoughts, develop a can-do attitude, and be more intentional with your thoughts and actions. A positive mind attracts a positive life.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude

Being grateful for every little thing that comes your way will help you get started with point number two. It costs too little—or even none at all—to acknowledge, and be thankful for everything good there is in your life. When we focus on what we have instead of dwelling on what we don’t have, we change our outlook, we gain a more positive perspective, and our contentment in life significantly grows. Make a gratitude list daily, surround yourself with grateful people, say thank you, and always mean what you say.

Always be Kind and Treat Everyone With Equal Respect

Now more than ever, we need to throw kindness around like confetti. At a time when the world is at its lowest of low, a little kindness, a little positivity can definitely go a long way. Always be mindful of your words, and speak from a place of compassion. One random act of kindness everyday will help you get started with point number three. And while you’re at it, tip generously. Who knows, that other person might be praying for a little miracle that day.

My parents, your mama and papa, are generous tippers and over the years, I’ve seen how these service people’s faces light up when it has dawned on them that they’ve been given a tip for either delivering a package, transporting a bag of groceries for them, helping them sort out documents in some random office, for keeping a public restroom clean, or for packing that shawarma nice and tight. Security personnel will refuse as I believe they are not allowed to accept gratuity but your mama would always slide something under their ledgers and say “It’s so hot out, go buy yourself a Coke.” Gets them and me every time. No, this is not to brag as this is not the only kind of help my folks have extended to strangers and friends alike. This is just a little reminder that in a world where you can be anything, always choose to be kind.

Don’t Rush Things

Be it work, love, or just life in general, don’t rush through life for the sake of just wanting to get it over and done with, with a curveball life has thrown your way. Landing your dream job may or may not take time. Learn to appreciate the climb and be purposeful in your actions as these things take time.

As with all other things, don’t rush love. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and getting to know yourself first before getting to know another person. You also do not need another to complete you, nor make you happy because you are in charge of your own happiness, and you are complete just the way you are.

All these may seem easier said than done but trust me on this—take your time, always, and learn to appreciate and trust the process because learning and growing just doesn’t happen overnight.

Click here for more snapshots of Toni’s stylish mommy life.

One thought on “A Mother’s Life Lessons to Her Daughters

  1. Catherine Obatay says:

    Congrats !! Very true 😘

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